AML Journal 24

So This is How it Ends
Oct 10, 2012

In the end, it wasn’t the leukemia that killed our patient. I really believe it was all those chemo sessions. It simply ravaged our patient’s body. The spirit wasn’t enough, the body just gave up.

Still I count myself lucky. Lucky to have had these past 5 months to share our patient’s journey. Lucky to have had the opportunity to show my love. Lucky to have had the time to prepare. And lucky that we had the resources to be able to have a choice.

I heard the word condolence so many times last week. I simply tuned it out. Condolence is a meaningless word. It does not strike at my soul. It does not soothe me. One acquaintance said it meant to condole, to sympathize. But I really do not like another’s sympathy especially if accompanied with the prerequisite sad face and sad tone. It just felt so fake. By far the best text I receive was from a friend similarly named; she simply said I love you. That really touched me.

And so now I am clearing out our patient’s stuff. Her sisters have asked for some gowns, and dresses and bags as souvenirs. In life, our patient was always generous to her sisters. Who am I to change that now?

AML Journal 23

Sept 8, 2014

There are bad days, there are good days. And today is a good day. Our patient’s platelet count finally got past the 10k mark; an amazing 43k. 🙂 It is very low for the average person but for our patient whose count hovered in the 10k range, that is very very good news.

When our patient was in the middle of her treatment, I was worried we would not be able to cope once our patient was no longer under the care of the Manila doctors. With this kind of disease, the local specialist’s skills did not really encourage confidence on our part. But waddyaknow, when push comes to shove, kaya din naman pala namin.

Worries are just worries. And you will never know how you will react not until the situation is actually there. I wouldn’t say never to worry because worrying did help us by giving me the impetus to prepare by reading up on the subject, by making sure we had the contact numbers of the required doctors, by having blood donors on our list, by making friends with the Red Cross, and a hundred small things that add up to lessening the mistakes when crunch time comes.

Worries aren’t for naught. But I realize that worrying too much was pointless. There is a time for worries and there is a time to decide that you have done everything you could and it is pointless to worry more.

Good not Great

Last night, eldest son and I had dinner at a newly opened restaurant along Pasay Road, Makati. It was by a local celebrity-chef.

It was good. Not great, just good. The manager came over as we were ending the main course to ask us how it was. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what I really thought of the food. I stopped at good. Yes, I smiled at the manager, it’s good.

Eldest son said the same thing. Good but not good enough to want to come back.

I suppose there is a lesson here somewhere that I can use for our business.