I was in a moral dilemma the other day. Speaking of dilemma, I finally caved in and am now using the new spelling as opposed to the original dilemna. 🙂
Anyway, the moral dilemma – i came to a crossroads in my life. One choice: I accept the proposal and the problem goes away. But the proposal came with a heavy price. I would compromise my beliefs.
Second choice: I reject the proposal and I continue on in this rocky uncertain path laced with hardship and stress.
My blink reaction was to accept the proposal. That would solve everything. Everybody involved would be happy. But that night as I thought over the proposal again, I was bothered. Admittedly my first concern was how I would hide the indecent proposal. And then there was the thought that if it became public, my integrity would be destroyed. And for what? Not even for something that is dear to my heart. Not even something that I am passionate about. Just a problem that I inherited and that I am addressing because I never shirk from my responsibility.
The whole night I tossed the dilemma around my head.
In the end it was not so much being principled as the fact that the consequences were not worth the proposal. I was being practical but I can not deny that there was the fear that if I accepted the proposal, I would be on the path to moral decay. All it takes is the first timid step. And if I took it, it would set a precedent for future opportunities.
And I remember what our guru told us about our lives. We find the north star to guide us but when the skies are cloudy and the north star is hidden, then the only way to guide us would be to look within ourselves and call upon our centre. That which is within us that keeps us balanced. And yes, I did look into my centre and just let go of the pros and cons in my head. In the end I went with my heart. The first choice bothered me, therefore it was not good.
It’s funny. Now that I have trained myself to think logically, I find that I am more in tune with the inner me.
And so I decided with finality that I would stay with the status quo. It is not as bad as it looks once you accept the worst that can happen. Kaya pa naman. And I know with this decision I would be able to look anyone in the eye with confidence and no fear.