Family is What Matters

The past few days I had a mini medical crisis. In the midst of this crisis, there were commitments that had to be attended to.

I was fatigued easily and careful to take care of the body. The past few days, my work responsibilities weighed on my mind but there seemed to be no urgency to act on it. I knew work would be ok. I had prepared for this weekend. And although they were on my mind at odd times of the day, I simply did not care enough to act on the thoughts. I attributed my tiredness to the medical crisis. And accepted that there was nothing I could do except conserve my energy.

But lo and behold, when my sons joined my on the second day and we were a complete family, all of a sudden I felt fine. A slight breathlessness to remind me I was not in top form but on the whole, my mood lightened. Did the crisis fade? I don’t believe my body could heal itself that quickly. I think it was more my will that lifted up my spirits past the physiological barrier.

And I thought I did not care that much about my family but I guess I do. My body and will belie that. When I was alone, I felt bereft. Every discomfort was magnified. And I accepted it as fact. Yet when the family was complete, my body found ways to go beyond that which limited me. I found an enthusiasm that I did not know still existed. I found strength that for a moment made me think that the crisis might be past. But my glasses are not rose coloured. I know the crisis is still there and will have to be addressed next week. But for now I am amazed at how powerful one’s will and emotions are. 

The body is truly amazing.

Health

On the one hand I was relieved that the depression and lethargy I felt the past week was not mental but physiological, connected to a very low red blood cell count that leads to fatigue and lethargy.

On the other hand, I should start worrying that something might be wrong with my bone marrow.

In the meantime I need to eat more foods rich in B12 like oysters and mussels. Scratch beef, I really don’t like it. Sardines, crab … yup. Let’s see what happens in the next few days.

At this level of RBC, my mom was already being transfused. In hindsight i regret that my mom had to endure so much transfusion when we could’ve made her last few weeks more comfortable. I know better now. I am sorry, ma.