Senti

Alone listening to Josh Groban’s songs; a sprinkling of kt tunstall and gary jules’ version of Mad World. Feeling senti tonight. Feeling at peace.

I like times like this. I am alone with music. Tonight it is senti songs. Some nights it might be dance songs. Music fills me up. Fills up my soul. And when my soul is full I get mellow and just all around content.

I think I really am geared towards the arts, to instincts, to emotions. Despite me having been led down the path of the rational, the practical,the logical, the thinking sort. It seemed the right thing to do when I was deciding my college course. Veering towards the path of the scientific was not difficult and probably because I found Math and Logic easy, is probably the reason it was easy to stifle my emotional side.

Now I finally understand my troubling dream that came intermittently all through high school, college and the first few years after graduation. Thanks to a great counsellor, I remember her name: Beth Loanzon. Her analysis was spot on. Yet even now that I understand me, I still find it difficult to accept me. I still turn up my nose to the real me. Too many years of putting down instincts and emotions in favour of the practical and the rational.

But slowly I am embracing me. The subconscious me that I have stifled all these years. Its an uphill journey and quite exhilarating actually.

O is home. Enough of my alone time.

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